Who’s getting it? Who wants to get it? Who’s getting enough? Who’s getting too much? Who’s getting the right kind of sex? Who’s not interested in sex at all?!
And why do I want to know anyway?!
Well as you’ve no doubt gauged by now, my interests lay in a holistic & integrative approach to the health of all of the body systems & spheres, including the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. And PLEASURE just so happens to be an essential ingredient to the optimal health & wellbeing of all of these areas
Believe it or not, simple pleasures can often get waylaid or put on the back burner. We may reflect on our lives and see that we are taking excellent care of our physical, mental and emotional health – but in the process, have actually lost our ability to experience something as simple as pleasure.
One of the most noticeable factors from a health care perspective is that without the enjoyment of pleasure in life, it doesn’t matter how “good” you are being, you simply cannot maintain your optimal sense of well-being without also experiencing all of the fulfilling goodness that pleasure can offer!
So firstly let’s get this straight – Of course you don’t have to get your pleasure from just sex alone, there are endless ways of pleasuring the body! Although when it is done “right” sex can be an instantaneous transportation into all of the pleasure centres known to humankind! So this is why it’s one of the many human pleasure experiences I’ve chosen to explore this month.
Ok – so let’s talk about sex!
What do I mean when I say the “right” kind of sex? The reason I’ve made a distinction here, as opposed to just saying “sex” in general, is because I don’t think I’m alone when I say there can be some cases of “bad” sex out there! So how can we go about getting the “right” kind of sex and how can we experience the kind of pleasure we desire?
I read some interesting research lately from a combined study of the Chapman University, Indiana University and the Kinsey Institute (all in the USA) that looked at over 52,000 Americans of different genders and sexual orientations to see how their orgasm frequency varies.
It looks like the heterosexual guys are doing alright with 95% usually orgasming when they are sexually intimate, although the heterosexual ladies aren’t fairing so well at only 65% orgasming when sexually intimate. Gay guys are averaging about 89% orgasm rate and gay girls are at about the 86% mark. I guess I want to know why there’s such a big difference in these orgasm ratios?!
We definitely know that having an orgasm isn’t the only way to gain pleasure from sex but it can certainly help! So why are heterosexual men getting totally pleasured and satisfied from most of their sexual experiences and their heterosexual counter partners seem to be so far behind?
This begs the question “Are women really getting what they want in the bedroom?!”
Don’t panic! Like any good investigator I went straight to the local pub on a Friday night to find out more information on this hot topic!
Firstly, the overwhelming consensus of the interviewees (both men and women) at the pub that night when asked about sex, why they have it or want to have it, were the following;
Pleasure-this alone was one of the main reasons that they chose to have sex.
It was also seen as a way to feel a greater connection to a higher source or a connection with the other person, which they sensed was what was fulfilling to them.
Sometimes it was used as a way to fulfill an addiction or a desire.
And for some it was used to try to side-track themselves from difficult feelings or emotions that they didn’t know how to deal with or didn’t want to consciously process
The interesting thing was that everyone I interviewed that night, (not exactly a double blinded scientific trial study, but still interesting none the less) said that they have sex to “feel connected and experience pleasure on all levels”.
So how does sex fulfill us and give us pleasure?
There were many different opinions on how this pleasure is achieved in the sexual act. However each individual person agreed that it was when both people were really feeling the intimacy between each other by being completely present, answering & responding with their bodies, not just their minds and when they had the goal of experiencing pleasure throughout the entire sexual act, including well before the sex had even started. It was clear that pleasure was not just about the orgasm alone and that being worried whether they themselves, or the other person had an orgasm (or not) actually took away from the overall pleasure of the experience (and this is where pub research can sometimes give us more answers that clinical studies!).
Interestingly enough, there are a lot of different health conditions that can impact the desire to want to have tonnes of sex or not wanting to have any sex at all. These can vary from individual to individual, although some of the possible contributing factors can include;
Adrenal fatigue or deficiency
Lack of quality sleep
Heavy alcohol and drug intake
High stress, anxiety, worry and depression
Some medical conditions
Low or high self-esteem, self-worth, self-love
If you have a low libido/sex drive or if it’s way too high and it is a concern for you, then make sure you investigate your overall health further. It’s normal to have a healthy, balanced sex drive and to experience pleasure from sex regularly (although this is a very individualised & personal scale and will be different for everyone). It’s important to leave judgement by the front door and to look to our own sense of what feels right for us. Like I mentioned earlier, if you are unsure on where your libido is at, or whether you are in your optimal balance, then checking in with a professional for some third person perspective is a great way to take your first healthy step forward .
Here are 8 easy steps you can try yourself to help shake up your sexual centres, ignite your inner energetic life force and increase the enjoyment of one of the greatest gifts of the human body system – SEXUAL PLEASURE!!
1. Ask for it! What do you like, what don’t you like? If you haven’t asked yourself this question then you can’t expect your partner to figure it all out for you! Be the driver of your own pleasure ship!
2. Experiment in a safe and healthy manner and check in to make sure your partner is ok with it too (so that you don’t freak anyone out).
3. Explore your fantasies either privately or with a willing partner, or therapist.
4. Be brave & Go for it! Know that you are worthy and deserving of experiencing pleasure and that everything you have ever wanted is usually just on the other side of fear.
5. Surrender and release. It’s hard to relax when you are trying to be in control all of the time, practice surrendering and releasing all tension, worries, plans, ideas, responsibilities and practice this daily – even several times a day! Then it becomes easier when you come to a sexual experience to let go, be present and enjoy the moment (in a safe & healthy way using protection).
6. Use your voice! Roar, growl, laugh, shout, groan, and make some noise – any noise that comes naturally to you. It’s healthy to express ourselves and helps to move blocked energy and tension from your body system.
7. Use your breath. Practice deep breathing all the way into your lower abdomen. This helps to calm the central nervous system and allows the body to relax and surrender, dropping tension and tightness and allows easier access to your pleasure centres.
8. Use movement like yoga, tai chi, Qi gong, kundalini dancing, tantric exercises – whatever interests you, to help keep your body’s energy fluid relaxed, strong, subtle, clear, free flowing, flexible and open.
Naturopaths are AWESOME at helping you to uncover what’s going on for your body system especially when it comes to sexual pleasure and your libido. So make sure you get back on track and don’t miss the pleasure train. Resolve any unchecked imbalances and explore this bountiful opportunity to enjoy sexual intimacy by making an appointment now.
Yours in max pleasure